Another day. Another blog inspired by a new fave Stanford psychology professor and Neuroscientist ... Dr. Jamil Zaki! I've been REALLY into the types of stuff he writes about. He does a beautiful job articulating the human perception vs. reality. Why even the smartest or emotionally intelligent people can fall into certain states of mind that are not healthy and just not accurate. How this disillusion can be the biggest cause for a country's division and polarity. His calm voice and brilliant breakdown in his recent podcast has talked me off the ledge of of the most hair pulling moments heading into the elections.
The past weeks have been about giving ourselves grace and space during transitions - coming off a long trip, starting a new career, returning to the school schedule. Then we worked on reflection, what works or doesn't work as we head into a big reset. Specifically for me it was heading back into the studio after a looooong break from teaching. Being a vulnerable student for once and taking that flipped perspective to help me be a better instructor. What I love about this recent podcast though is it really takes it all a step further. That even after all the reflection and improvements implemented, you've given yourself grace and space, you're back to things and they are running smoothly - how are you going to receive it? How are you going to sustain this? Even if the operations seem to be working fine on the outside, is your little driver on the inside going to have faith in it?
Dr. Zaki says there's a really stubborn plague hitting our society, it's been around for a long time but for some reason it's worse than ever - CYNICISM. Firstly he clarified what cynicism actually is. Unlike skepticism, cynicism is a blanket assumption that other people are motivated by self interest. It is a state where things are already decided, so we do less well in general to take in new information. When we are not taking in new information accurately then we are not making wise decisions. The hypothesis is cast but we are not looking at the data equally. Skepticism however still has room for curiosity. There is a lot of questions asked and a lot of established ideas are challenged, but they can hold different versions of the world and are open to pivoting. They want to bring out the hues between definitive statements and views and embrace the complexities.
Where as cynics want to simplify the world around us. I think of cynics as my old iphone 6. It had enough of the basic functions to keep up with the rest of the world. But at a certain point it bonked. Way too flawed to upgrade.
There are studies that measure cynicism and life outcomes. Cynics tend to have less trust in general. Less trust in friendships, colleagues, and their partner. When you have someone with their guard up for so long, Dr. Zaki said it best, they are "malnourished" and depriving themselves of "psychological nourishment." Unable receive what most of need from social connections. This results in lower levels of happiness, flourishing satisfaction of life, greater incidence of depression, greater loneliness - and "it's not just the neck up." This in turns effects the body's overall anxiety and ability to endure. They have higher blood pressure, higher levels of heart disease, cellular inflammation, shorter lives.
The question is why do we subscribe to it, everything on the side of the bottle is bad for us (depression...heart disease...shorter life) and we still take our daily dose of cynicism. Even if we ourselves are not cynics it's what gets our attention and what we click on the most. One reason is our culture glamorizes it. We tend pay attention to cynics or put them in high positions. We correlate their strong cynicism as knowing something we don't know. The stereotype is that a person who trusts people and has a happy disposition are not as sharp and don't understand the world. For some deranged reason we see warmth as not being competent. When we see a figure that is more insensitive, sharp and stubborn, we associate that with more competent. When in actuality studies show cynics test lower than someone with a healthier social circle, leads with more curiosity, trusts more. They are not limited by a false negative narrative. They put themselves out in the world more, sit across from the people that think differently from them and hear them out, so they are able to make more accurate assessments.
Because if a tree does not fall in the forest ... cynics can still hear it.
What in the world does this have to do with our Pilates practice ... well I'll tell you. Even though I never saw myself as a cynic, I do have cynic-like outlooks. There is a term called Imposter Syndrome. It's when you do not see yourself accurately and do not believe the way other people see you. You have a fully cooked narrative, a blanket assumption, that you are not there yet. NO MATTER what other people might tell you, and what evidence shows, it's something you can't shake. Sounds an awful lot like a type of disillusion similar to cynicism. Not only is this way of thinking not accurate but it has held me back in how I put myself out there, how I trust myself, and believe other people. I think this inner voice is sneaky, usually rears its head when we’re scared or attempting something new, and way more common than we realize. I’ve really been working on myself to break from negative disillusions. Stay light on my toes, pull the blinds up, trust sincerity, gosh…maybe even start responding with “thank you,” instead of brushing it off with a joke, when people compliment me. Do less narrating and more listening. Then the hardest part, BELIEVING IT.
Stephen Colbert says it perfectly, "Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say ‘no.’ But saying 'yes' leads to knowledge leads to knowledge. So for as long as you have the strength to, say 'yes'."
In the spirit of trying to be less like a cynic and feeding cynicism, let's try a different recipe this week. Let's be more curious like a skeptic, only click on the positive and fun like an eclectic, trust eachother and our own abilities like an optimistic, and then throw caution to the wind like a maniac...add a wreckless dose of "F%&* IT."
Excited to make your bodies sweat, smile, and trust the goodness that is being served to you. Say ‘yes.’
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